Everything is backwards now.
The days are beginning to blur and it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore.
Like out there is the real world, and in here, in this moment, in this room is the dream.
All I wanted was to find something that’s worth fighting for.
I can do this.
I was born to do this.
I guess I better go now, I don’t want to be late.
It’s my birthday after all.
Mawe Tsmutkan’ya.
It’s interesting how a movie could move anyone at all, not just on the surface, but as a person and as a character. Avatar came out and hit me like a lump of unobtanium, lifting me to heights I’ve never experienced before, in anticipation of my birthday month, that was last January. It’s February and every viewing of the movie is just as captivating as the first. Friends and family don’t get it, like how we don’t get why girls go head over heels with prancing flower boys, like how they don’t get it why football fans hate rival fans so much, and like why men advancing towards their 40s prefer to spend time playing golf. Avatar’s message to me is simple, to find something to fight for. It’s a symbol of living our life, away from routine, away from comfort zones and away from oppressions and such.
Do you have something worth fighting for? If yes, then good for you. I’m still searching for one. I lost mine, 8 years ago, on my birthday. Where most celebrate on reaching 21, circumstances presented a funeral procession. God loved her more, and I had to learn to let go. It hurts when she left, but the agony I faced is mere fractions of her daily visits on the thresholds of pain. What is more painful than seeing the one you’ve ever loved writhing? Anyway, just like that, 8 years have gone, and indeed everything is a blur.
There’s a strange welcoming calmness today, even though I’m made to twist and turn in bed, irregular bowel movements in the wee hours of the morning, and vomitted just hours ago. There really isn’t any point in living life on routine, it’s an adventure that’s waiting to be discovered, though I’m filled with great sadness that I’m bound, much like a paraplegic, to this routine I’m in. I call it, work. In reality, there may be no ‘Avatars’ to escape with or flying Great Banshees to ride, but before my energy is used up, I know that there’s a whole lot more that needs to be done.
No more procrastination, and I’m not going to bother about reading these back and editing my words. It’s all get go for now. So first, to start paying the bills. =)
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