Stop holding back

Above all else, I’d value a straightforward piece of conversation than one that’s encrypted and convulated, but people are wont to keep emotional matters under wraps.

If only words were easier said than sung.

And if living was a piece of soundtrack, right now I’d be ‘Memories‘ from Panic At The Disco, reminiscing in retrospect of my past year or so.

That is indeed an awesome, sparkling song from their latest album ‘Vices & Virtues’, aptly labeled, as if it’s calling out at me, and deftly lyricised too, after the band’s split.

I’m definitely liking their new sound a lot, and I can’t wait to get my hands on the full album, but as it is now, ‘Memories’ suffices.

The lyrics are blessedly gorgeous, while the music is “beautifully depressing“.

Just beautiful.

‘”He was the Congregation’s vagrant; With an unrequited love;”..

.. makes me feel so attached to the song.

“When your passion’s exultation; Then finding refuge is not enough;“..

.. leaves me stigmatised.

It reminds me of how I tried to be as transparent as I could, of how I tried being as expressive as I should, and of how I was trying to be as appreciative as I would, and yet memories are all I have in return.

Not strangely, it also reminds me of how painful it is to find out that not everyone is as transparent as they would, not entirely expressive as they could, and of how they’re rarely appreciative.

From crushing relationships to crumbling business ventures, if there’s one thing that I’ve learnt it is that there’s no harm in trying and giving it all.

Sometimes I wonder if it’s unwise to let the truth be known, like is it better if things were left to traject on their own?

I’m certainly not one for surprises, and I keep things as certain as I could, but there are things that I just can’t control.

Like how easily it is for me to succumb to my past attachment whenever she comes around at the office, and how crushing it is for me to pull myself away each time.

It took a lot out of me, as I recuperated emotionally these past months, moving forward and dedicating myself to someone else.

Indeed, I could so easly slip into her all over again, but that just foolish of me to crash and burn twice like I wont, wouldn’t it?

And I wonder if I should stop her from ‘going away’, but I wonder more if it’s better if I let the pieces of the puzzles fit themselves.

Lost love has taught me against holding back, but I can’t help in raising my walls higher this time, but I do fondly cling onto our memories, as I fail to prevent myself carving a smile or two whenever I think of them.

No doubt it’s been an educational and emotional ride for me, and as much as I’d wish for things to turn out differently, well I “Should’ve known right from the start; You can’t predict the end.”

I’m holding back, when I probably shouldn’t.

I wish someone would tell me, “Don’t hold back”.

So let me tell you this, “Stop holding back.”

‘Cos you’re denying yourself of memories of what could have been.

Rejoice.

A is for Awesome!

A is also for anamorphosis, something that I’d use to describe my workplace’s steady progression into a more conducive working environment.

Thankfully.

So it’s mid-April already, and it’s kind of a shocking revelation (to me at least) that it’s been 2 weeks since I last blogged here, and I blame it on work!

Oh, it’s always good to lay the blame on something else, in this case, work, even if really it’s been a case of laziness and one too many cancelled blogposts.

So what’s with work?

Well, how about we begin with ‘brand new office’?

That’s right, the company’s expanding to another level, pun intended, and this time round I even managed to rope in my sis to come work with me — and I think she’s been handling everything pretty smoothly thus far.

On the bright side of the expansion, there’s finally space for my own office now, of which is so cosy that everyone’s whispering of how it has that homely, roomly feel to it — just the way I planned it to be.

On an even brighter side of the new office, my design team will finally have a space to peacefully work away from the distraction of production, while my production team has more space and freedom of their own.

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Oh, did I mention that I’m working with a 27 inch, Quad-core, brain-haemorrhaging iMac at work now?

It’s AWESOME!

..without the helmet and suit of course..

The screen is so big, I now have to move my head to look around instead of just my eyes darting around the monitor, which I’ll probably take it as daily neck exercises.

Indeed one can’t ever underestimate the value of having an exercise regime in your weekly routine, as I’ve found it today that at 29 years young, I’m not quite the mean machine that I was 10 years ago on a football pitch.

I need to go out for a bi-weekly jog or something, ‘cos my stamina’s depleting pretty quickly during my soccer games, and it’s quite annoying as my mind wants to go further but my body is begging otherwise.

Which of course leads to cramps and aches and wishful thoughts of a bi-weekly jogging regime.

Sadly I don’t quite have the time to jog, unfortunately (or fortunately?) cos I’m spending time hitting the pool tables at work!

That’s right, there’s a pool table right in front of me when I work.

So let’s see, so far this April I’ve received my own office, a pool table,  a 27inch iMac and more colleagues (particularly my sis!) to share the workload with.

Just awesome, pure awesome.

Not feeling that well.

Surprisingly, March has turned out to be a testing month indeed.

From falling uber ill to the constant babsitting of the new office’s uber renovations, it’s been a week I’d wish to put behind asap.

From catching up lost episodes of the GSL (Global Starcraft League) to catching up with my customers’ job demands.

For once, and not in a long while, I feel stretched and taxed actually, not that mentioning ‘taxed’ here has anything to do with me being taxed by IRAS as I surprisingly realised that my yearly revenue had sneakily gone past my target for the year.

This means that next year, I’ll be targeting the $50k mark, an ambitious shot in the sky, but hey if you don’t aim high, you’re aiming low right?

In any case, whether I get to achieve it or not, will largely depend on how I utlise my current spare resources before next year’s FY ends.

You know, that old adage of making your $1 work for you to earn another $1?

Because banks only give you about 0.1cents for your $1, they aren’t the most cost effective solution in growing your money, if you count inflation in.

And inflation is in people, and I think that it’s quite bad.

Gone are the days when you could buy a plate of chicken rice for $2, or get a busride for 40cents — does anyone remember that?

Yeah, a bus ride for 40 cents, a plate of mee rebus for 40 cents, or a packet of kopi for 40 cents.

Ahh, those were the days.