Everything is backwards now.

The days are beginning to blur and it’s like I don’t know who I am anymore.

Like out there is the real world, and in here, in this moment, in this room is the dream.

All I wanted was to find something that’s worth fighting for.

I can do this.

I was born to do this.

I guess I better go now, I don’t want to be late.

It’s my birthday after all.

Mawe Tsmutkan’ya.

It’s interesting how a movie could move anyone at all, not just on the surface, but as a person and as a character. Avatar came out and hit me like a lump of unobtanium, lifting me to heights I’ve never experienced before, in anticipation of my birthday month, that was last January. It’s February and every viewing of the movie is just as captivating as the first. Friends and family don’t get it, like how we don’t get why girls go head over heels with prancing flower boys, like how they don’t get it why football fans hate rival fans so much, and like why men advancing towards their 40s prefer to spend time playing golf. Avatar’s message to me is simple, to find something to fight for. It’s a symbol of living our life, away from routine, away from comfort zones and away from oppressions and such.

Do you have something worth fighting for? If yes, then good for you. I’m still searching for one. I lost mine, 8 years ago, on my birthday. Where most celebrate on reaching 21, circumstances presented a funeral procession. God loved her more, and I had to learn to let go. It hurts when she left, but the agony I faced is mere fractions of her daily visits on the thresholds of pain. What is more painful than seeing the one you’ve ever loved writhing? Anyway, just like that, 8 years have gone, and indeed everything is a blur.

There’s a strange welcoming calmness today, even though I’m made to twist and turn in bed, irregular bowel movements in the wee hours of the morning, and vomitted just hours ago. There really isn’t any point in living life on routine, it’s an adventure that’s waiting to be discovered, though I’m filled with great sadness that I’m bound, much like a paraplegic, to this routine I’m in. I call it, work. In reality, there may be no ‘Avatars’ to escape with or flying Great Banshees to ride, but before my energy is used up, I know that there’s a whole lot more that needs to be done.

No more procrastination, and I’m not going to bother about reading these back and editing my words. It’s all get go for now. So first, to start paying the bills. =)

He puts his face close to hers. She rubs her cheek against his. He kisses her on the mouth. They explore each other.

Then she pulls back, eyes sparkling.

NEYTIRI
Kissing is very good. But we have something better.

She pulls him down until they are kneeling, facing each other on the faintly glowing moss.

Neytiri takes the end of her queue and raises it. Jake does the same, with trembling anticipation. The tendrils at the ends move with a life of their own, straining to be joined.

MACRO SHOT — The tendrils INTERTWINE with gentle undulations.

JAKE rocks with the direct contact between his nervous system and hers. The ultimate intimacy.

They come together into a kiss and sink down on the bed of moss, and ripples of light spread out around them.

THE WILLOWS sway, without wind, and the night is alive with pulsing energy as we DISSOLVE TO –

LATER. She is collapsed across his chest. Spent. He strokes her face tenderly.

JAKE
Neytiri, you know my real body is far away, sleeping.

She raises up, placing her fingertips to his chest –

NEYTIRI
This body is real.
(she touches his forehead)
This spirit is real.

Her eyes are luminous, honest, infinitely deep.

———- Page90. Off the script of Jame’s Cameron’s Avatar. (Unseen/Removed scene from local theatres).———-

Wow. Just mere words yet I sense the abysmal sorrow, re-reading the script, as Jake mentions the location of his real body, not his Avatar body.

I’m enlightened and warmed by the embracing spirit of an Alien race, that early on so despises the humans, with natural instinct to kill on sight. Strangely its humane.

Granted, experiencing the movie itself was a mesmerising and unprecedented experience, but reading the script has given me much more insight into the character’s developments and the story overall.

It’s unfortunate that some scenes were removed from the theatres, but the script bares all.

It’s an uber excellent read, and especially so if you’re a fan of sci-mance (sci-fi + romance).

With trembling anticipation, I ended the passage of text.

I hear people saying the story is unoriginal, well I’d say that its a classic love story very well told.

Bah.

It’s my Sis’ birthday and Dad and Ma organised a chalet for her.

Nothing beats celebrating a joyous occasion, like a 21st birthday, than having a BBQ with friends and family.

So how do you hold  a BBQ?

Step 1: Pick a venue.

Done, PA Chalet at Pasir Ris.

Cheap apartments, plenty of parking, but for someone who resides in the western end of the country (on bike), a half hour journey to the eastern end is pretty daunting.

Imagine having to come and go for 4 days and 3 nights straight, and transport costs (especially if you take taxi) is huge.

Step 2: Pick a pit.

Pick a pit within a nearby Pavilion, where possible, in case it rains or there’s plenty of guests around.

The roof and seats will be greatly welcomed.

Usually it’s first come first serve, but if you pick a chalet like PA Chalet at Pasir Ris, there’s a huge chance that you’ll have the Pavilion all to yourselves.

Step 3: Ensure the fire is hot.

Have you played that wooden block game, Jengga?

Setting up a BBQ fire is like playing a game of Jengga, except that it’s hollow in the middle, where you throw the firestarter in to kickstart the whole thing.

You don’t have to chant  ’Jengga… Jengga’, but no one can stop you from doing it though.

So once you’ve thrown the firestarter (lighted) in, pile more charcoal until it becomes a seductive stack that’s beckoning for a gigantic flame.

Step 4: Setup The Pit.

Spread out the charcoal once the stack is engulfed in a fiery concert of flames.

Place the wire mesh or grill over it, and waste no time in preparing your feast.

And remember, thaw your food early, and not just before starting the fires, otherwise it’ll look like this:

Yep, great fire, deliciously looking bunch of satay, chicken wings and hotdogs, but unfortunately they weren’t thawed early enough for the BBQ.

Frozen satay is not nice to eat for a BBQ.

It’s quite hard to bite.

But when you gotta eat, you gotta eat.

At least now I know the next time I have a BBQ, I’ll thaw my food much earlier.

How coincidence is that of 1% of the population that’s in this so-called group of thinkers, the Masterminds, that Dils and I are in the same boat.

Well I took a Jung Typology test, only because Dils insisted me to, and it turns out that I’m an ‘Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging’ person, and if you’re just as confused as I am, here’s some enlightenment.

Much like how the fortune teller seeked to entertain my afternoon, taking the test served to be much more entertaining, although not of the action-packed kind, if not the same.

Reading through it’s narrative comments of the ’suggested’ characteristics of mine, it somehow widened the tunnel vision of my recent disenchantments, and perhaps allowing me to understand a little better now as to why I’m constantly unsettled with possessing that sense of  comfort and the thought of being average.

And then the tests lists a few career choice for Introverted iNtuitive Thinking Judging’ persons, and it happens to be some of the stuffs that I would certainly enjoy making a career out of, such as a computer programmer, among others.

Very geeky, I know, but it just feels good to know that I’m a geek that’s among the 1% of the populaton.

But I know very well that all these are a little bit of fun stuffs, other than analytical profiling, that really means nothing if one doesn’t work hard and grabs the opportunities that knock on their door.

Oh well, so I quote Morpheus’ words to Neo, in the Matrix — ‘Now that the door is shown, it is up to you to walk through it.’ (I think that’s what he said right? Right?)

Anyway, go take the test, and find out what person you are.

Is it just me or is has the well of criticism gone dry?

Only 1 or 2 weeks back, immediately after the draw against Stoke City, we were under attack from all angles, from all corners of the web.

It seemed inevitable that Rafa Benitez was heading towards Juventus, for a new lease of life and for, arguably, a decent amount of respect too.

But Benitez never walks away from a battle, he never backs out, and as his usual calm, assertive and witty self, speculations of his future are brushed off and forgotten.

He’s just signed a 5 year contract, overhauled his backroom staff, realigned the youth academy, and in stout belief of his players, so why would he…. [Read more @ A Red Thing].

You’ve seen Avatar in Real3D (and shame if you haven’t), and did you enjoyed it as much as I did?

Well apart from getting dizzy from the ‘man-made’ 3 dimensional visual perceptions, I think it’s a great entertainment tool for the future.

It won’t be cheap, and I certainly won’t be able to afford it, but just the thought of revisiting Pandora nightly before you sleep, it’s simply out of this world.

Um, pun intended.

Anyway for a football fanatic, like I am, it doesn’t get any bigger, ahem, than watching your English Premiereship stars in Real3D, as reported here by Marketsaw.

It will be as if you’re right there running and jumping beside them.

So what if there aren’t any flying banshees or lean and tall blue humanoids on the screen, but instead 22 (23, if you count the referee) sweaty, athletic men chasing a single white ball around a grass pitch.

It will still be awesome-tastic!

But too bad I won’t be catching my idol, Steven Gerrard, or Torres in Real3D anytime soon.

English Premiereship in Real3D not yet available here. T.T

No thanks to a hectic week of exhibitions and the usual changes of adverts, I’d like to visit Hell for a little bit of R&R now.

And have I shared my BBQ pics yet? Of course not.

But I’m sharing these gems:

As if punching the keys on a 17inch Macbook Pro isn’t enough, I’d like that 32inch monster please.

Actually, for about a little bit more than an iPhone, you’re getting more than twice the processing power, about quadruple the screen estate, and an endless barrage of jealous onlookers, because they cannot swipe their netbooks and laptop while browsing websites/photos, while you can.

Okay, so the iPad can’t make calls or take photos, but it’s essentially an iPod touch on steriods.

And it’s thinner and lighter than your netbook.

It lasts longer than your netbook.

It loads and shutsdown faster than your netbook.

And best of all, to all those complaining it can’t run conventional OS and apps, it doesn’t have viruses and malware like your netbooks.

Period. (No puns intended.)

My A geek’s dream come true.

Then go get a Macbook Pro or an Alienware laptop, just quit complaining.

The iPad’s an expensive, toy that excels beyond doubts in whatever it is that it does.

It’s like how Micheal Jordan made basketball look easy, or how Tiger woods made driving at holes into more than just a game.

So for Steve Job’s sake, get this: the iPad’s supposed to be a filler for the void between a handheld mobile device and a netbook, something like kindle’s ebook readers, but as always Apple does it so much better and way cooler.

Go take a look at Kindle’s ebook reader or Sony’s ebook reader.

Then play with the tablets on offer and then give the iPad a quick view.

I’ve seen other tablets, even had the opportunity to fiddle around with them, but something about watching youtube videos of Steve Jobs demo-ing the iPad that tells me that this is going to be a big hit,  not sooner but much later.

That’s right, much much later.

Sure, people may say it’s just a glorified iPod touch/iPhone, but back then when they were first unveiled, similar reactions surfaced.

Today the iPhone and the iTouch seems to be in everyone’s clutches, but propose this scenario 3-4 years back, when the iTouch made its debut and you’ll be called silly and naive.

So yeah, I’ll be silly and naive and state how silly and naive it is to consider that the iPad is going to be a big hit and in almost everyone’s clutches in 2 to 3 years from now.

Anyway, I’d like one. = )

There’s something magical about this month, and it’s not just because my birthday falls on it, nor is it because of the PAD/PAE (Post Avatar Depression/Effects).

Okay, maybe it’s mainly due to these two, but I’d say that they occupy about 50% of the mojo that’s causing me to have this ‘feel good’ factor within.

Granted, ever since the last few months, I’m still waking up around 9am-9.30am daily, even if that’s actually supposed to be the time that I reach the office, switch on the comps, clean up the table and then go out for breakfast, which usually comprises of 2 half-boiled eggs (yummy!) and iced milk tea.

Coming in after 10am seems to be my routine these days, and though I’m not proud of it and try to wake earlier and go off earlier, it seems as if I’m stuck in a ‘groundhog moment’, but strangely neither do I feel bad about it, that there’s an air of nonchalance lingering around.

Granted work’s beginning to pile up into late nights, stretching into weekends even, but I’m smiling.

There’s no discussion of bonus nor stipulated no of days leave for the upcoming Chinese New Year holidays, but I’m still all smiles.

There’s a mountain of unpaid bills and fees, and I’m not even going to rush into paying them all off.

No, it’s not that I don’t care, I care, but I’m just not worried, and it’s bugging me that I’m not worried — because the consequence of not feeling any worries, is that one will become a slacker!

The only way to make slacking seems cool is when you’re a cat, where the world is out to serve you and pamper you.

Unfortunately I’m not a cat, so I guess I’m exhibiting slacker material.

AND strangely too, I’m feeling the love around me.

There’s this unexplained ambience of love and concern going around me, which I’ve not seen for a long time, not since… well I can’t remember.

It’s like suddenly you’re getting attention, even when you’re not looking for it nor seeking it, like how I got interviewed by a Wall Street Journal reporter regarding my sick obsession in-depth knowledge of the movie, Avatar.

(Link here: As “Avatar” Sets Box-Office Record, Fans Make Return Trips to Pandora. There’s a certain Mar Larsen *That’s me! Moi! Aku! Gue!* being quoted within the article, and it’s does feel a bit weird to read an article quoting my own words, yet likable!)

And then there were the birthday cakes and treats at work and at home.

Then there were all those well wishes coming in from places you least expected, even my newly fond poker buddies from Facebook’s Zynga poker.

An unexpected and surprise convo with Nura, my super duper long time primary school, where the last time we spoke to each other was… decades ago, I think.

Anyway, it’s just such a joy, to be in this month, and though a freak calf injury prevented me from spending time with dils on my birthday, I think it’s been good times thus far. *Slacking rulez*

So does slacking allows your mind to slow down and actually take notice that others are taking notice of you, unlike how when one is uptight and rushy and one where things tend to blur away quickly?

I suppose I’ve spent 28 years of being on-the-ball, maybe it’s time to slow down a little bit, where even my idol Steven Gerarrd seems to be shifting a gear or two down.

Nah, on second thoughts, I think it’s too early to go fully into ‘Slacker’ mode, so perhaps I’ll treat this month as a bonus month, and come February, well maybe then will my 2010 begin.

Ooh, February… a month for more lovin, right? I think it’s gonna be a month of more slacking resting for me.

28 years and 1 day old, today.

Yes I am, so happy belated birthday to me.

Thank you GodMa and my dear lovely Sisters for all your presents and warm love.

Thank you Dad for reminding me to come home for dinner.

Thank you Boss and colleagues for the yummy coffee cake, and that handmade card.

Thank you my dear friends, old and new, for the phone call, sms and facebook messages.

And most importantly of all, for giving me a way in into this world, for teaching me the meaning of love, and though you couldn’t be with me for the past 8 years, I still miss you and I dearly love you as if it’s only yesterday. So Mum, thank you. Though your time in this world is up, you’ll forever be ticking in my heart.

Oel Ngati Kameie. (I see you.)