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Funny term eh? Someone I know calls herself an experiential upstart. Interesting actually. Maybe I could call myself an Experiential Upstart Failure, after a few mundane experiences in my various ventures thus far.

Lately I’ve found that it’s not an easy feat juggling games night, enduring a day job, maintaining an online store, searching for ad spaces, doodling little fishes and stuffs, learning a new song, becoming a good son/brother, befriending 2 persistent felines, completing a venture proposal, expanding your list of watched movies, updating all the various websites/blogs, cracking your mind for a new pasture and trying to find time to buy food.

Unfortunately I tend to skip that last item while spending wayyy too much time on the first item, while I would have really wanted to dive deeper into my ‘lost’ passion for the arts. Arts, meaning drawing, illustrating, editing, songwriting and even photography.

At work, I don’t know what to make of it. It seems that there’s a lost cause going around lately. The ship’s not sinking anytime soon but the crew are growing restless. The original 3 founders of Jacky Printing are starting to lose grip of each other. New colleagues have added a pinch of tension and contempt into the working culture. I’ve realised that once given a little sense of ‘power’, some people do really lose touch of their sense of gratitude and perhaps respect. There’s a Malay saying “Bagai Kacang Lupakan Kulit”. Bah.

I recall the days when the 3 of us would work our ass off, in tandem in trying to lift the company up. Those were the days. Now, I suppose the term ‘familiarity, breeds contemp’ aptly and succinctly describes the new kids on the block. It’s still a happy-go-lucky-never-say-die culture that we’ve carried on but a lot of our old mojo has gone. I’m starting to feel like I used to back when I was with my old company, where all I wanted to do was finish my to-do list and get home as quickly as I can (‘cos work was too toiling!), except that there’s no nagging bossy boss harping me now and anyone who is constantly ordering me around.

Heh, at least there’s respite but I think that there’s not a lot of management going on, because the management are working with their hands tied behind their backs, and it’s starting to create tiny cracks here and there among the crew. I’ve never doubted the importance of adequate management, without which work gets clustered and cluttered and ultimately people will want to move on.

When one of the original 3 voiced me his intentions of ‘moving on’, I thought that he echoed my sentiments exactly, and though I was taken aback and a little shocked, I wasn’t surprise. We may be the founders of the company but these past months it’s never seemed so and I sort of understood his position.

Anyway, I’ve considered my options too many times already. I’m Still looking for that big break and still searching for that one evasive spark that’s eluding me, but it feels like time is never on my side. Then again, time’s never on anyone’s side. Time never picks sides, but one gets to pick time, and I suppose I haven’t been picking and spending my time wisely enough, like still blogging away while it’s way past 4am already, where the evening clouds are making way for dawn.

Ahhh, I sense something promisingly beautiful to be experienced. I sincerely hope that it’s beautiful. I suppose before day breaks, night commences right? *crosses fingers*