It’s not that I’ve lost the desire to blog again, but everytime I whip out Marsedit and a new post, I end up deleting the draft within half an hour.
Then I slip back into my ‘gaming-addict’ mode, and indulge in a few rounds of DOTA, Minecraft or start watching Ugly Betty and The Big Bang Theory all over again.
I guess I’ve yet to grow up if growing up is all about dealing with the issues that you face in life, and there are issues that I face in life that I’ve yet to face up to, like relationships, for example.
Relationships are simple, but unfortunately people aren’t.
There are those whom I’ve crossed paths with that claim to be disillusioned with love (and relationships) and losing faith in it, but why should you lose faith in love and all its glory when it’s really people that’s wrecking everything?
Me? I’ll always believed in that elusive and shy thingy called love and as such, I’ll never turn away from a fresh start.
I’m pious when it comes to second chances, and the notion that people can change for the better, because I’ve seen how people can change when you give them a reason to.
Anyway, about this hiatus, let’s start with the most recent event and that is my NS Reservist training with my unit, and it sure feels damn good to have a break from the chaos that is work and to meet up with old, familiar faces.
I love my unit, I really do, and I think I’m blessed with such a cohesive bunch of men from all walks of life, and indeed it’s been a privilege to serve my time with them.
Strangely I don’t need any forcing to make myself sleep before 10pm during my NS period, because as soon as I reach home from camp, which is about 8-9pm, I immediately lay down on my bed and the next thing I know, it’s 5.30am and it’s time to get ready for camp again.
For 4 and a half days, life was so, and yesterday I was back at the office, and I realised that the company can, and doing it well too, cope without me around — and this is definitely a great piece of news for me!
It means I can finally go on that long awaited sabbatical next year, which when you think about it, is my 7th year of plundering along in this industry.
I have longed for a chance to diverse myself into another industry and last year, when I thought that I’ve found one, events unfolded itself this year to wreck all my plans and resources and, like a beached whale, I’m left stranded and seemingly helpless.
Like I said earlier, relationships are simple, but people aren’t and unfortunately for me I fall hopelessly in love ever so easily.
And because I keep my faith that love is possible and that in its essence it’s a beautiful thing to give and share, I trip up ever so often as I allow myself to dive in easily, and maybe hastily as well.
Like my passion for gaming, soccer, studying, working and everything that I do, I tend to dive right in and try to be as good and as effective as I can, but I’ve learned that not everyone plays it the way I do.
Some like to take it slow, and some are just shy. *winks*
No matter how similar and compatible two people can be, there’s always a black swan lurking, and until both parties are able to embrace one another, the black swan lurks quietly.
The trouble with being a simple person, is that you think that everyone else is simple too.
And then when you get your heart broken again, and again, and again, you know that you’re still that good and simple person, but you learn to lookout for yourself a little bit more and you learn to make your heart a little bit colder.
Like a tattoo that’s never easily erased, relationship scars, but it’s definitely worth every little precious moments spent with, the ones whoose path you’re blessed to have walked on and been a part of.
And then sometimes, you just know that you can’t stay on that path any longer.
With a heavy, fragmented and tourniqueted heart, I go.
I can’t waste time.. So give it a moment.. I realize nothing’s broken..
No need to worry about everything I’ve done.. Live every second like it was my last one..
Tattoo by Jordin Sparks
(Damn emo blog has been lately lah, but I guess that’s a part of what blogging’s all about? Chronicling it out into the empty space when there’s just nowhere else to turn to. Life gets unexpectedly lonely, when it really shouldn’t be. But when people keep to themselves, you just can’t run away from it.
On a side note, this gaming addiction that I’m on stops me from thinking about the issues that I’m facing. I guess I’m still a kid inside. Heh.)