Tripping.

Whoever wins American Idol won’t affect me. No I won’t be shrieking over the loser like these girls (their mom secretly taped their reactions in the 2007 American Idol season), but thinking and considering about the people around me gets me all soft and dewy hearted.

You see, Dad hasn’t been working for more than a year now and even Stepma has been docked at home for the past few months. I’m not entirely sure how both manage to get through with their dailies but its quite evident that they’re working on a shoestring budge, ever since they’ve enrolled for the Haj or pilgrimage package. In fact, they were supposed to go last year, but situations in Arab denied them and thus they’ll have to endure for another year.

Dad part-times but I can see that he’s growing weary trying to make ends meet — and I see him tired and weary most of the time! I try to help him whenever and wherever I can. I never ask him for anything cos I do not wish to add to his todo-list anymore, but I do advise him time and again on starting out on his own, which in a way he did, for a short period of time, with his friends in their KL-Singapore logistics venture. For now, I think he’s just focusing on his Haj plans. Keep it simple, he says.

And then there’s my brother who is preparing for his wedding next year. I help him with his expenses now and then, over the years and I’ve never asked him for them back, because I know its going to be difficult for him to repay them. Not that I really bother about getting them repaid, I just hope he gets through the wedding and settles down sufficiently. If someone dear needs my help, then I’ll help. Whether the loan gets repaid or not, that’s their prerogative. I guess that If I were a licensed moneylender, I’d be out of business in no time.

Like how I financed my sister-cousin’s diploma at MDIS and not really expecting anything in return. Mind you, its a hefty sum but I’m proud that she got through the year successfully and has achieved a decent certificate with her life. Although I am now a little concerned that she’s showing a lack of ambition when it comes to knocking onto any career doors.  You see, there are doors opening but I guess she’s yet to walk through any of them.

I haven’t seen any laudable efforts and maybe that’s why my concern as a brother kicks in. I mean, watching videos of boybands and serial dramas, or window shopping online and regularly participating in forums doesn’t really pay the bills, eh? I’m already doing my part to support her and Godma for a while now and I hope it doesn’t come to a point where I ask myself ‘Is my spoon supporting the future or only feeding for the day’? I’m sure she can do much more and be an inspiration to her younger sis.

And what about my step-sis, who half the time seem to be plagued by her dreary outlook everytime she’s home? She’s finishing her poly tenure mid next year, and despite her moans and complaints about schoolwork, I think she’s going to get on well. She’s got ambitions, loads of it and nothing malign about that, but of which can cripple her capabilities at times. She’ll come to me for advice and help and it seems to me that this one wants to be able to do everything, like me, and to not being able to achieve a target is truly disappointing. However she’ll appear moody when that happens, unlike me who’s hell bent on being positive and to find a lighter, brighter side of things. I suppose I need to teach her how to Dota as an escape?

Wow, I’ve yet to reveal the whole iceberg and I’m already so wordy on its tip. Gee, I’m ranting  like I’ve never ranted before here, and I suppose being squeezed financially makes me blurt. You see, commissions aren’t coming in like they used to. The economy isn’t looking great at all, and still I’m still glad about where I am at the moment, but here’s something that reeks: I’ve been resting on my laurels for many months now and somehow I got a kick on the butt via a song. Yes, a song woke me up. The song’s playing on my blog right now, thanks to David Cook.

You see, it’s a song dedicated to the passing of his Cancer strickened brother, Adam Cook. On my birthday 8 years ago, I got a wake up call with the passing of my late mum. That event led me to being positive and determined on working hard and to continue living against all odds. Today for the first time I listened to the song ‘Permanent’ and quite contrary it strucked me that nothing is really permenant. What if Jacky Printing went out of business? What would I do then? What if my loved ones pass on and I’ve never really got to shower them with the kind of life that they’ve been dreaming of? Then it strucked me again on another level that I’m not even through with the adult stage yet, where marriage and having children kicks in, sweeping you along with all the lovely problems that raising a family could bring. Let’s take things one at a time eh?

Arrghh.. Though I’m not even close to spiralling out of control (and neither are the people around me) I wish life could be… simpler? I’d sure would love to see more pro-active mind sets, firm decision-making, and plenty more smiles to share around. Why make life harder for someone else right? 

Oh well, what a way to introduce my latest project. Tsk. Angry Little Fish. His name is alf. He is a fish. An angry fish. I’ve yet to post any pictures of him, but do peek back for more updates on Alf. 

 I think I have a good quote to end this post, which goes like this. “Why.. So.. Serious?” Bah.