Sep 22, 2011 Me, Myself & I
I play a lot of games and make myself busy to distract myself, as well as to ‘let looose‘, so to speak, and the thought of ‘why do i game so much when there’s so many other things that I can do?‘ lurks inadvertently.
Actually, I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately — not that I’ve not had much thoughts or haven’t been thinking much! — and it’s getting to a point where the expansiveness of it all sorts of numbs me.
That’s right, I get numb thinking about thinking. Hoah? You know, I confuse myself at times too..
Sometimes I think if I should simply wing it and go for broke while there are times where I wonder if it’s better that I play it safe and do what I do best. That comes to my next thought of ‘Really, just what is it that I do best?‘.
Good question, but unfortunately it is one that I’ve haven’t placed much thoughts to, more importantly perhaps not as much as ‘how do I start creating that killer iphone app?’ or ‘why i that black BMW car driving in 2 lanes simultaneously?’.
My point is, quite simply, that I think I frivolously spend time thinking about things that aren’t quite ‘soup questions’, where ‘soup questions’ are questions that you ask which enables you the opportunity to put a bowl of soup in front of you, on your dining table, someday.
It’s so easy to admit that I’m guilty of trying to get too many things done at break-neck pace, while desperately having to keep track of things to maintain and grow. It’s even easier to say that I’m easily attracted to new opportunities and events, and that’s why, since the past year or so, I have this personal motto of ‘eat only what you can while give as much, maybe more, of what you desire‘.
Backtracking, to my earlier thought of ‘Really, just what is it that I do best?’. I’m slowly realising that I’m best used as a thinker instead of a do-er, and as *koff* brilliant *koff* as I am as a do-er, I think I’ve arrived at a period in life whereby I really really need to do a lot less, and give (ideas) a lot more.
Fortunately I’m being given this opportunity at the office, and am glad that myself and everyone around me is helping me transcend nicely into this new role I’m playing, and I can’t deny that I’m loving every minute of it.
Still, I can’t help myself but to continue asking myself, “What can I do next?“, of which I’d then get a plethora of suggestions and ideas flood my naked brain, filling me with mental dementia and derisory contempt.
Of which I’ll then transcend into a game of DoTA or <insert-game-here>.
And the vicious cycle resumes…
Mar 5, 2011 Rants
How rarely will you give up a chance?
How rarely will you give up an opportunity?
How rarely will you give up a sliver of hope peeking through a shroud of gloom?
Why won’t you “take it.. and go.”?
When it’s knocking on your door for a second time, do you let it pass and hope for a third coming?
What happened yesterday, is for today’s lesson and tomorrow’s preparation.
Then again, I tripped.
I hope I won’t trip again.
I thought I’d be safe and able to distance myself, to not wade into deeper waters, but I guess I’m still as accomodating and gullible as ever.
Maybe it’s because I was born in the year of the dog, and sometimes I think that I’m no different from a dog.
Throw a stick out and I’ll gladly chase it down.
On my paws, I’ll wag my tail and hope for a cookie to be thrown my way.
I’ll roll over, play dead and jump through rings of fire, whatever.
But l promise my loyalty and pledge allegiance, come what may.
I know I would, given the chance, given the opportunity, and given the sliver of hope.
Well, I was, wasn’t I? At least I thought I was. Wait a minute, wasn’t I?
Arrrgh, these questions bug me, like an 8 year old that’s tormenting the candy store auntie by asking her “which one is nicer?” for the 67th time, because the child can’t decide between a honey coated chocolate bar and a rainbow lollipop.
Maybe I should not chase the stick, this time? Maybe I should stop hoping? Maybe I should resist lingering?
Or maybe I should simply stop asking, and let it be?
I’d really hate to trip and lose someone dear, all over again.
But that’s what growing up is all about right?
So should I risk it or should I whisk it?
Should I risk it or whisk it?
What should I do???
Gee.. now, where’s a candy store auntie when you need one?
Apr 28, 2010 Me, Myself & I
What do i really want?
This passage here, is probably the 5th or 6th introductory passage that I’ve rewritten for tonight, as my eccentric mind wanders violently from topic to topic, and where I’ve come to a compromise that an opening passage shall be opened without targeting any particular subject that haunts me in my head.
Oh how I wish that I’m down with a writer’s block, but what do you call the opposite of that? A Writer’s broken dam? Does that sound the opposite enough? Anyway, you get the idea..
Guess what it’s called when there’s a few things that have been bothering you and lingering in your mind, but there’s just noone qualifiable and available that you can talk with.
Instead of being able to approach others for direction or guidance, you’re the one whom others turn to, and you do it gracefully, and being the least acerbic person ever to walk this earth, you realise that even though your attention isn’t limitless and personally draining, you comply because you enjoy helping or listening out.
It’s sounds venerable, it seems philantrophic, and it’s called My Life.
The few people whom I turn to as my source of inspiration all sit in a room, where we’re separated by vast bodies of water and land, but thanks to the internet, they’re only a website, or a forum, away.
If you’ve ever wanted to know who these beautiful souls are, we’re known as the third tribe, and it’s a pricey group to be in, but imho, justifiable.
Anyway, it’s like the right kind of support group that suits me in this moment, and feeds me with plenty of courage and invaluable life lessons. You are what you eat, right?
So what have I been doing of late?
For the lack of words to describe it succinctly, perhaps I’ll just say that I’m purposely screwing up my life, just so that I can fix it all back on my own again. It’s like a challenge that I’m going through all over again, just because.
I’ve been through plenty of hardship growing up and I sure know what it feels like to go through life without basic amenities, and now that I’m a little bit comfortable, it seems as if life itself is sucked out of me.
To feel alive, you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone right?
Obstacles, challenges and problems, means you’re alive, like pinching shows that you’re not asleep.
I would never see an obstacle or a setback as a problem, but rather as an opportunity to thrive from. For the record, there have been situations where I simply can’t put my head around it and have to simply ‘take it like a man’. That’s the way it goes sometimes.
Sometimes Life puts us in a situation where the solution is so obvious, but when our mindset looks at it as a setback or discombobulating problem, we get put down and we grow weary.
When that happens, I say, view it as a challenge and give yourself a reason to overcome it, and hopefully gain something out of it. At the very least, you owe yourself this much to not meander around it.
If you’re wondering why I’m putting all these into words, it’s because of things that I see and hear from friends and family, especially of late.
Of course it’s easier said than done when I say that I see a solution and a way of overcoming their ‘problems’. Naturally I won’t go all out and lay down the blueprints for them, because It’s just impolite to do so, unless they specifically requests so.
You see, whenever someone shares something with you, they aren’t really looking for an answer, but rather a listening ear and perhaps a few tips or tricks that they may have thought that you could have kept under your sleeves.
Though I’d rather be saying ‘Look, this is how it’s done and your problem will be solved’, I’d honour their generosity in sharing by simply trying to draw out the answer from their own breathes. It’s funny how you’re more receptive to an idea when you’re made to think that you carved out the answer on your own.
In any case, nobody really needs an answer, but they’ll definitely welcome your guidance and your pat-on-the-back appreciateively.
And I’d definitely welcome any form of guidance and pat-on-the-back that I can get at the moment, in my pursuit of happiness. The Pursuit of Happiness, seen that show?
I look at myself in the mirror, and I whisper to myself “What are you searching for?”
Then I’d go all silent and make funny faces at myself.
“Why push yourself any further than where you already are?”
“Why aren’t you content with what you already have?”
Hmm, actually, I’m very much content with myself and where I am, really, but it’s what I can do for others that I’m not quite content with.
I know I can’t change them the way I want to, and so I try not to, no matter how tempted I am.
But I do tend to put on others’ shoes more readily than I’d like to, and some shoes are really tight, and it hurts.
Still, there’s so many questions that lingers on and haunts me, but like i said, noone really needs an answer.
And why again am I sharing all these, when I really don’t have to?
Because a drop of water in a pond creates ripples, and ripples makes an otherwise stagnant and dull pond more beautiful.
And I wish you’d drop and create ripples more often too.
Feb 21, 2010 General
Now here’s a question that keeps running through my head lately, and maybe because I keep imagining receiving these amounts in my bank account, which for the records, I don’t actually.
No, not even close.
So what would you do if you were given $1000?
- Grab the latest and biggest LV handbag or keep hold of the latest tech gadget,
- Dump all the money into the POSBank and watch it grow by $1 annually,
- Be charitable; treat the family to a meal and donate a portion,
- Invest the amount into a potential business plan, and work at it, or;
- Return the money, cos you think you don’t deserve it.
Seriously, how many of us would have chosen 5 as an option?
Perhaps its easy when the amount is as accomodating as $1000, but what happens when it balloons to $10,000?
Now sadly, topics like these aren’t being taught in schools, at least not the ones where I studied or know of, and it’s knowledge of handling these situations that dictates how a society turns out.
So what would you do?