The transcendence.

I play a lot of games and make myself busy to distract myself, as well as to ‘let looose‘, so to speak, and the thought of ‘why do i game so much when there’s so many other things that I can do?‘ lurks inadvertently.

Actually, I’ve had a lot of thoughts lately — not that I’ve not had much thoughts or haven’t been thinking much! — and it’s getting to a point where the expansiveness of it all sorts of numbs me.

That’s right, I get numb thinking about thinking. Hoah? You know, I confuse myself at times too..

Sometimes I think if I should simply wing it and go for broke while there are times where I wonder if it’s better that I play it safe and do what I do best. That comes to my next thought of ‘Really, just what is it that I do best?‘.

Good question, but unfortunately it is one that I’ve haven’t placed much thoughts to, more importantly perhaps not as much as ‘how do I start creating that killer iphone app?’ or ‘why i that black BMW car driving in 2 lanes simultaneously?’.

My point is, quite simply, that I think I frivolously spend time thinking about things that aren’t quite ‘soup questions’, where ‘soup questions’ are questions that you ask which enables you the opportunity to put a bowl of soup in front of you, on your dining table, someday.

It’s so easy to admit that I’m guilty of trying to get too many things done at break-neck pace, while desperately having to keep track of things to maintain and grow. It’s even easier to say that I’m easily attracted to new opportunities and events, and that’s why, since the past year or so, I have this personal motto of ‘eat only what you can while give as much, maybe more, of what you desire‘.

Backtracking, to my earlier thought of ‘Really, just what is it that I do best?’. I’m slowly realising that I’m best used as a thinker instead of a do-er, and as *koff* brilliant *koff* as I am as a do-er, I think I’ve arrived at a period in life whereby I really really need to do a lot less, and give (ideas) a lot more.

Fortunately I’m being given this opportunity at the office, and am glad that myself and everyone around me is helping me transcend nicely into this new role I’m playing, and I can’t deny that I’m loving every minute of it.

Still, I can’t help myself but to continue asking myself, “What can I do next?“, of which I’d then get a plethora of suggestions and ideas flood my naked brain, filling me with mental dementia and derisory contempt.

Of which I’ll then transcend into a game of DoTA or <insert-game-here>.

And the vicious cycle resumes…

Salam Aidilfitri 2011

It’s 1 Syawal today.

And that means it’s Hari Raya and it’s time for the traditional morning prayers at the mosque.

I tried but I just couldn’t come up with a date when I last went for Solat (prayers) Aidilfitri, and that’s how ‘non-chalant’ I’ve been throughout the years.

Oh wait, SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all muslims and muslimahs and HAPPY HOLIDAYS to all~

So yeah, I finally chalked up my first visit morning raya visit to Al-Asyyakirin after years of settling in the area. I know, biggie points for me. ; )

Points, imaginary of course, of which not even my chronic cough could keep me away from nor of which DoTA could deny me of.

Yes I’m guilty of playing loads of DoTA games in the days and nights leading to today, but hey, at least I got my preparations early and done with this time round.


Room sping-cleaning? Checked.

House refurbishments? Checked.

New apparels for Raya? Checked.

Lesser gaming and more socialising? Umm… about that…

Germany 10am.


When Germany is 10am, it’ll be 4pm where I am, where I’ll be busy, and possibly chaotically, hard at work doing… almost nothing.

But but but my dear friends.. 4pm (localtime) is when The International begins.

Can’t wait! Can’t wait! Can’t wait!

The International

If there’s anyone that’s trying to stop you from becoming a professional gamer..


… ask them, is there really 1 Million reason to not start playing professionally???

After acquiring the trademark of DoTA, at the violent objection of millions of players worldwide, Valve has finally, and successfully, whetted the apetite of avid DoTA fans, like me, with this scrumptuous tournament, to be held during Gamescon in germany.

Finally, a reason for me to quit my job and play professionally.

Just kidding.. hehe.. I won’t ragequit my dayjob just like that! .. yet.. cos I love what, why and how I do what I do so winning a $1 Million dollar eSport prize money is still my pipedream.

Oh, but I won’t stop dreaming about it.

What about you? Would you like to have $1 Million dollars, just by playing games?

That’s it I’m finally done with my DOTA addiction.

Because of this.

Starcraft II or Starcraft 2 -- By Blizzard.jpg



Getting Sanity Fixed

DOTA and MTG used to fix me up pretty good, after a day of work, but it’s been a loooong time since I’ve had a sniff at them.

It’s not like I’ve quitted DOTA or MTG entirely (in fact I view with a queer eye at anyone who proclaims to ‘quit’ these social games, as if the gesture merits itself as a laudable life event), but ever since Bangau and Han’s self-imposed relocation, I’ve yet to indulge in one game, and I say it with pride simply because there’s not been a stretch of days that I can recall of not playing the game, ever since Bangau and Han got back (here).

Or maybe I’m just busy with Zynga Poker on facebook.

Nevertheless I do still have plenty of interests and desire to DOTA/TG, but this time I know that it’s not going to be the same anymore.

When us 3 were around, every game was an adventure, or should I categorise it as a misadventure? Lol.

Add the occasional visits of Max1983, Sid & Heider, and other unexpected arrivals, things do get pretty over the top, but never out of control of course..

Do I miss them? Haha. Damn right I do. Missing every bit of the nonsense that only the 3 of us are capable of conjuring.

So where do i get my fix these days?

Strangely, it’s being overtaken by work, and coincidentally, workload picked up just as the duo shifted away.

It’s just getting chaotic at work, and this despite the frequent complaints of how the new year has been greatly affected by the ripples of the world’s economic crisis.

Thankfully, Dils is around the vicinity to pull my sanity back down to earth, and this since.. half her age ago!

She’s turning 26 this Saturday, so that’d make it 13 years of wonderful friendship — You’re getting old liao!

All grown up now, and she’s never been chattier than ever!

Met her up on Wednesday night, talked till way past her usual bedtime, but only because I didn’t knew it flew by, just like that.

So what present do you get for a 26year old perky gal, who’s already pampered herself with a Toscano handbag?

In any case, wishing you well for your dreams, up in the air.

The Hangover

It’s definitely an urban comedy classic, that movie about a few guys that went to Vegas, got hungover and where one of them ended up getting married, and waking up to find a living, breathing tiger in their bathroom suite — have you seen it?

It’s becoming the comedy of the year, the decade even, about a misadventure of a lifetime, a time of wrongs that felt right and a period of reconciliation and exoneration among friends.

Not since a long while has a comedy been this hilarious at the turn of each dialogue and scene, but this post isn’t about that movie, instead it’s about my ‘hangover’ after almost a year of project limbos.

For the records, I don’t drink (that’s what they always say right? but seriously, I don’t.. so bite me..) and my hangover isn’t of the drinking kind either.

You see, two of my best friends have, and yet again, embarked on an indefinite hiatus away from this country, where I’m left to contemplate just how on earth am I going to be wasting my time or simply who to hang out with/at, if it’s not on lan-gaming, card-gaming (no, not the gambling kind too — they always say that right?) and late-night binging at 24hr eateries in the West.

Indeed, lan-gaming (playing excellent games like DOTA, Team Fortress, Left 4 Dead, Call of Duty) have usurped me of much family moments and spending power elsewhere, but I’m not complaining even if I have to continue riding my bike with a ‘half-past 6’ set of sprockets and chains.

But I wasn’t always this hooked, because I was hooked on soccer.

A few years back, soccer got me involved almost more than being just merely a hobby, where I’d get a full game of football (if that’s what the Europeans prefer to call soccer) back to back, on weekends — but there hasn’t been much games lately as my ‘footballing-kaki’s are all either too busy earning money to prepare for a wedding, too unfit to run after going through a wedding, or too hardworking in expanding their genes within the wedding.

For more than a year, Bangau, Han-Solo and yours truly (with a couple of other gamers occasionally) have been hanging out together (.. guiltily, but who’s judging?) and now that we’re moving onto our separate ways (amicably and second coming) in search of greener pastures, could it be said that the times we spent gaming, having fun, binging, karaoke-ing, and just lazing around was a wasted era of our life?

Nah, I don’t think so because we had a lot of fun!

Okay, maybe too much fun but it was time well spent. Though I’m not sure about the economy part of it, there’s no denying that we were a team, a bond of brothers, and in one succinct word, a family.

We became so good in what we did (especially gaming and spouting nonsense) that it’d almost always frustrate us that we lost a game, but the synergy that we had was priceless, just like the jokes and laughters that we shared — they were moments of madness mixed with a barrage of endless nonsensical joy.

I’m resisting typing bromance, but I just did, so perhaps it typified the essence that the 3 of us were fortunate enough to have shares, like a memorable misadventure that becomes the topic of future dinner meetings when we’re with our wives and children, and joking about all the silly and mindless things that we used to do.

Bangau At The Checkpoint

And so the cliche ‘all good things must come to an end’ kicks in and as Bangau gangly passed onto the immigration checkpoint at Tanjong Pagar Railway Station last Thursday.

As for Han-Solo, he’ll be in hiatus overseas while he works, more focusedly now, in his MLM business.

Me? I’m still reeling within a wondrous awe and pondering unbelievably how a year managed to pass us by so quickly and while I try to recover from this ‘hangover’, a message from Bangau creeped in before his train left, last Thursday.

Thanks for everything bro!
The rides, the food, the dota, everything we’ve shared together.
Ur a good friend, more like a bro to me.
Though not elder or younger, maybe twins hehe.
See ya ler!

(and ended with a few choice words about girls which unfortunately did not pass this blog’s censorship requirements)

Well Bangau, you’re welcomed, anytime. Good luck.

The Dota (Game) Personality Test

DOTA is such a beautiful game.

Anyone who’s ever played the Warcraft III mod, Defence of The Ancients, or DOTA, will attest to just how immersively challenging the game can be.

At times, and for a split second, it will suck you in as you forget that it’s all just a make believe world and you get all emotional while playing the game.

Still it is a very beautiful game, but unfortunately one that is tainted by leavers, gamers who purposely spoil the game and wreck the team balance by quitting early or halfway during the game — but mostly due to losing the early stage of the game.

The players who leave are usually those that are killed off after a couple of times, or those that sees no hope within a game.

And leavers are frowned upon with much disgust and hatred within the DOTA community, but the sad state is that it’s a prevalent action and only too common.

I am seriously disgusted by leavers, although I admit I may at have been guilty one or two times, but definitely never the first one to leave and spoil a good game, just because my team is losing.

This evening, my group of gamers bailed on me, as they left game after game, after game, much to my horror.

I mean, so what if our team is losing, cos it’s not over till it’s over — and there are ways to overcome a purple patch, like for example to play defensively when you know the opposing team has the upper hand.

There are tactics to overcome an overwhelming opposing team and sadly, my team today didn’t seem to have the guts to overcome anything.

It was sad to see them quit on me, but mainly because I know that together we make a damn good team.

In my thoughts whenever they left or quitted, I doo sense a lack of responsibility on their part.

It’s just a game, why can’t you just continue and adjust tactics instead of spoiling the game?

Granted there have been tremendously awesome games, where a team is forced to defend and defend and defend but finally clinching victory — and such is the beauty of DOTA, that is there’s always that chance and you are never out of the game.

It’s a team game, and anything can happen, and mistakes DO happen a lot.

The only surest way to lose in dota is when your team comprises of quitters who dump the team in a hurry, and as cliche as it may sound, quitters never win.

I somehow sense that the way they players react during games reflect their characters and personalities — and I secretly wonder if players who quit the game in such circumstances are likely to throw in the towel whenever things aren’t going their way.

Wait no, I’m not labeling my team as real life quitters or losers, but I like to think that there is a portion of them that secretly runs away whenever the going gets tough.

I know it’s easier to talk about it, but I’ve been through situations where one’s endurance and patience are tested to its limits, especially during my NS period, and witness first hand accounts of quiiters myself.

Needless to say, they never achieved much during their tenure and most of the time they end up complaining about their lack of luck or moan about the system.

No, I’m not the strongest or smartest person there is, and seriously I know that i’m not, but I do know my limits and I know that no matter what, it’s just a game and in games, there is always a possility of turning the tide.

And it’s damn satisfying too whenever the tide shifts, but leavers wrecks and disintegrates every meaning of fun from of it.

So instead of quitting to other’s chagrin, I would rather lose gracefully, knowing that I’ve been defeated by a better team.

And I have been beaten by many better teams plenty of times.

So yes, I’ll acknowledge whenever there is a better adversary in Dota, where it is as much a great game as it is a personality test.

DOTA, such a painfully beautiful game.

An Attempt At Keeping True To One’s Goal Settings.

I admit, I’ve been a failure almost every day when I fail to keep up to my goal settings, yes I do set goal settings, but for me it’s more of a sketch-up of an impromptu to do lists. Wait a minute, maybe you’re asking why does one sets goals every day? Isn’t that particular thing called a to-do lists? I know I know I know that I probably shouldn’t mix to-do lists and goal settings, cos they span over an entirely different time frame, but like I said, it’s an impromptu to-do lists that I prefer to refer as goal settings.

Arrrghhh! I think the teacher-ish-cum-speak-good-ish nature in me just refused to accept my arguement over calling goal settings as a to-do lists equivalent!

Ok, ok, ok, ok let’s call it a to-do lists then, if only to satisfy my sudden conscience that I’m promoting the wrong message of goal settings. Anyway for the records, one of my goals is to create more jobs. Sounds simple yet scarily… big doesn’t it? Enough about goals for now then..

So back to my failure in completing my to-do lists, or TDL for short. What? So now I’m allowaing myself to coin the term tdl to ease my burden of typing extra characters eh? Pfft..

Um, do you have your own TDLs? If yes, good, I pat you on your back. If no, why not? TDLs help to prioritise your priorities! Easier said than done right? I know, I know, I know ‘cos I’m a victim of procrastination too. It’s been a virus that’s plagued me ever since I joined Nanyang Poly, and no, studying in NYP does not in any way causes a person to procrastinate often. It’s just me, and for the records, NYP is a great school to study at!

That’s why I took 4 years instead of the slated 3 years to complete my diploma. I just had to extend my stay there, right Bangau? Yes Bangau knows the inside story, but only because he spent an extra year with me as well! Good times indeed.

BUT the moral of the story here is that procrastination is bad! Real bad! My point in coming up with this post is perhaps I will be reminded in keeping true to my TDLs and perhaps allot a few hours daily to complete some, if not all.

I’ve done lots of thinking lately, which probably isn’t that much ‘cos I’m not much of a thinker really, but it still qualifies as thinking because it made me focus long and hard on my tasks at hand and what my future could possibly evolve into. I thought that, since I’m often procrastinating my TDLs because of certain events, perhaps I could work out something and compromise some things?

I know that I’m good at coming up with a solution, especially something that amounts to compromising, cos I compromise a lot. Sometimes you win when you compromise. It may be a temporary solution, but it’s a current solution nevertheless.

I think that this time around, instead of throwing my time away till the wee hours every day, I would set aside a certain ‘curfew’ myself so that I am forced to work at my TDLs. Perhaps I would cut myself off from.. this particular foe of mine.. at a certain time in the night so that my TDLs come to the fore.

Yes. I. Can. Do. It.

This is going to be an attempt at keeping true to one’s TDLs and setting the sight set on my goals. At 11pm daily, I will stop you, foe. Then it’s hello TDLs.

Ahhh, sounds so convincing right? But I’m going to need lots, no, humoungously huge amount of dedication to make it happen, because I’m fighting against a formidable opponent here. This foe has gotten me smitten ever since I knew of it, and only because it has left me needing to perfect it’s art and study the science of it, and the fact that it’s an ever evolving foe amplifies it’s destructive abilities.

Tonight I’ll be facing it’s music. Tonight is time to let my foe know that TDLs are priorities.

When the clock strikes 11pm… Goodbye.. D… O.. T.. A!

KBox? Nah, Dota Please!

It was KBox night on Saturday with my company fellas, celebrating big boss’s birthday at the same time, where I gave him a cheapo/playful/brainless  gift in the form of a Rubix cube! Aha, good luck in solving that, Mister!

Have you solved a Rubix cube before? Well considering that I’ve solved on numerous occasions before, I guess that that would count me as one of the 25,912,301 people who’ve solved the cube. Impressive eh? Yeah right~

So about the karaoke session, this time I didn’t intend to linger around as much as I used to cos it didn’t quite felt right, cos 95% of the time I could barely understood what was going on. Despite my okay-okay grasp of Mandarin, these guys spoke in Cantonese/Hokkien which to me is like a hugely foreign language still, and plus the fact that I didn’t want to have to wait 1 hour for my turn to belt/croon, so about half hour later I made my way back to West Coast RC, where I joined my usual gaming buddies for an evening of DOTA! Now, that’s entertainment!

And there was a pleasant surprise as a group of young Malay gals patronised the cyber cafe, and despite the place having plenty of regular gal gamers, what made this group of Malay gals ‘stood out from normal’ was that it was past midnight when they joined in, and they went about as if they were deliberating on a group project.

I swear that if Garena, the game usual client that we log onto to play our games, was down back then, then I’d be chatting away with ’em gals. In fact, I’d even tutor one of them to come into the world of Dota, cos she kept looking at what I was doing. Or maybe she could just be wondering what this crazy dude is doing after midnight, sometimes laughing to himself, sometimes cursing under his breath, sometimes punching the keyboard heavily, and all the while with his eyes glued onto his computer screen, transfixed onto a virtual gaming world.

Gee, if that was the case.. maybe I should stop gaming huh? Then again, maybe not.

Dota is too beautiful to be ignored lah. It’s an easy and simple game to learn, but too darn complex to master — both elegant and frustrating at the same time — a traits combination which I simply can’t resist! More Dota please~…