What do i really want?
This passage here, is probably the 5th or 6th introductory passage that I’ve rewritten for tonight, as my eccentric mind wanders violently from topic to topic, and where I’ve come to a compromise that an opening passage shall be opened without targeting any particular subject that haunts me in my head.
Oh how I wish that I’m down with a writer’s block, but what do you call the opposite of that? A Writer’s broken dam? Does that sound the opposite enough? Anyway, you get the idea..
Guess what it’s called when there’s a few things that have been bothering you and lingering in your mind, but there’s just noone qualifiable and available that you can talk with.
Instead of being able to approach others for direction or guidance, you’re the one whom others turn to, and you do it gracefully, and being the least acerbic person ever to walk this earth, you realise that even though your attention isn’t limitless and personally draining, you comply because you enjoy helping or listening out.
It’s sounds venerable, it seems philantrophic, and it’s called My Life.
The few people whom I turn to as my source of inspiration all sit in a room, where we’re separated by vast bodies of water and land, but thanks to the internet, they’re only a website, or a forum, away.
If you’ve ever wanted to know who these beautiful souls are, we’re known as the third tribe, and it’s a pricey group to be in, but imho, justifiable.
Anyway, it’s like the right kind of support group that suits me in this moment, and feeds me with plenty of courage and invaluable life lessons. You are what you eat, right?
So what have I been doing of late?
For the lack of words to describe it succinctly, perhaps I’ll just say that I’m purposely screwing up my life, just so that I can fix it all back on my own again. It’s like a challenge that I’m going through all over again, just because.
I’ve been through plenty of hardship growing up and I sure know what it feels like to go through life without basic amenities, and now that I’m a little bit comfortable, it seems as if life itself is sucked out of me.
To feel alive, you’ve got to get out of your comfort zone right?
Obstacles, challenges and problems, means you’re alive, like pinching shows that you’re not asleep.
I would never see an obstacle or a setback as a problem, but rather as an opportunity to thrive from. For the record, there have been situations where I simply can’t put my head around it and have to simply ‘take it like a man’. That’s the way it goes sometimes.
Sometimes Life puts us in a situation where the solution is so obvious, but when our mindset looks at it as a setback or discombobulating problem, we get put down and we grow weary.
When that happens, I say, view it as a challenge and give yourself a reason to overcome it, and hopefully gain something out of it. At the very least, you owe yourself this much to not meander around it.
If you’re wondering why I’m putting all these into words, it’s because of things that I see and hear from friends and family, especially of late.
Of course it’s easier said than done when I say that I see a solution and a way of overcoming their ‘problems’. Naturally I won’t go all out and lay down the blueprints for them, because It’s just impolite to do so, unless they specifically requests so.
You see, whenever someone shares something with you, they aren’t really looking for an answer, but rather a listening ear and perhaps a few tips or tricks that they may have thought that you could have kept under your sleeves.
Though I’d rather be saying ‘Look, this is how it’s done and your problem will be solved’, I’d honour their generosity in sharing by simply trying to draw out the answer from their own breathes. It’s funny how you’re more receptive to an idea when you’re made to think that you carved out the answer on your own.
In any case, nobody really needs an answer, but they’ll definitely welcome your guidance and your pat-on-the-back appreciateively.
And I’d definitely welcome any form of guidance and pat-on-the-back that I can get at the moment, in my pursuit of happiness. The Pursuit of Happiness, seen that show?
I look at myself in the mirror, and I whisper to myself “What are you searching for?”
Then I’d go all silent and make funny faces at myself.
“Why push yourself any further than where you already are?”
“Why aren’t you content with what you already have?”
Hmm, actually, I’m very much content with myself and where I am, really, but it’s what I can do for others that I’m not quite content with.
I know I can’t change them the way I want to, and so I try not to, no matter how tempted I am.
But I do tend to put on others’ shoes more readily than I’d like to, and some shoes are really tight, and it hurts.
Still, there’s so many questions that lingers on and haunts me, but like i said, noone really needs an answer.
And why again am I sharing all these, when I really don’t have to?
Because a drop of water in a pond creates ripples, and ripples makes an otherwise stagnant and dull pond more beautiful.
And I wish you’d drop and create ripples more often too.